Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
