I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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