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• (319): View more from Iowa

  True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.

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• (909): View more from California

  I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I thought you were single?

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."

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• (210): View more from Texas

  He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.

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• (516): View more from New York

  i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level

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