My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
