He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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