last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
