Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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