its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
