i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You made out with two different species that night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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