I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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