...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
