my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
