I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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