What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
