i don't want you to think of me as your TA
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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