Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
