Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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