It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
