Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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