Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
