Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
