So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
