I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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