I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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