Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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