Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
