You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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