omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
