he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
