The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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