Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
