Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nicole vs. Life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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