Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
