quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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