We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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