have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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