Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
