how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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