Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
