I hate your face
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
