o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
