A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
