my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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