im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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