watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
