My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
