Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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