i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is the high leading the old right now
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
