You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
