see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
